Postal 2

Postal 2 is a 2003 first-person shooter created by the company RWS, with the visions of Vince Desi and Mike J. to mold what is known as THE "controversial game" to date. Postal 2 is part of an ensemble of Postal games with Postal 4 closing towards development. Unpopular opinion, but, I personally like the gaudy robe Dude sports in Postal 4.

Picture this: A lush lawn kissed with dew mats the yard of every neighborly cubicle from your total American Dream. This lawn looks so good, it could pass on television if you stitched it onto a muppet's ass. Rabbits are literally frolicking through your slice of the cul-de-sac and you couldn't imagine anywhere better to live...

Did you go by work? Yeah, apparently, I'm uh, on sabbatical or something. Well, good. Maybe you can get a few more things done for me!

You wish! Because you live in the chocolate starfish of Paradise, Arizona. Instead you are married to a hunk of trailer trash which your wife happens to squat in. Instead your grass is a puke-green and merely a soil-accessory, but at least it only needs a trim every decade or so. Speaking of the soil, who picks up the shit around here? Definitely not The Bitch. You do all the housekeeping. Her whine is your promise.


Series Background

Postal 2 is about the protagonist (or, the "Dude") doing his wife's bidding and running errands for his household of 1 dog and an oinker after having his car break down. The week (5 days) does not continue until every checklist item is marked. Totally appealing gameplay, I hear you. You're wondering how a game like this received its title as the most controversial game to date.

Let's back up a little.

The first game was released in 1997*. It was essentially a mass shooting simulator, after the phrase "going postal." It dropped players straight into the world of the Dude in this gritty neighborhood, immediately your target as the player is to kill every civilian in sight without any context. This was the 90's of course; the debate of whether violent games created violent people or violent people consumed violent content was still fresh. Go figure it earned RWS a reputation with the politically correct, deciding to carry on with a more campy, more grimey, a more violently HYSTERICAL addition to the series.

*Postal 2 is not a sequel to Postal, don't worry about continuity by skipping straight to the second game.

Countries Postal 2 has been banned in.
MalaysiaBanned as soon as it was released for offensive depictions of cruelty.
SwedenThe government attempted to ban it.
New ZealandBanned for animal violence (see: cat shotgun). Ownership of game is a fine of $2000, and distribution depending on the outlet is $20,000-$50,000.
GermanyYou can play it, but you won't find them selling these games on shelf.
AustraliaBanned, after a year's release.

Vidya game violence isn't as much of an outrage in the 20's as it was back in the 90's, so it's likely the RWS title bans aren't as reinforced today.

Violence is Optional.

You'd shit yourself laughing when you open the stats clipboard for the first time. The magical part about Postal 2's violence is that it's completely possible to play the game without smashing watermelons. It is a core part of the game, sure, but the only requirement to advancing is usually something like picking up milk from the Lucky Ganesh or dropping off a library book. In fact, the whole appeal of Postal 2 at release was for players to see how long they can go without killing any of the NPCs. If you had this many weaponry available to you, you'd probably crack easily as well.

The Map

Open-world games usually turn me off. Large, undeveloped open-world games I mean. I never even got around to finishing BOTW because more than half of the world is just fields, fields, some trees, and more fields. Well, I wouldn't know what else there was regardless because of my short attention span, but I also wouldn't know about anything else in the game if there was that many fields and trees.

Postal 2 on the other hand has a chode map. You're only allowed to explore the quaint shithole that is Paradise. With what, 17-30 give or take buildings total in the entire game. Postal 2's world wins this one though, with one of the most explorable maps I've enjoyed + less plot-convenient roadblocks unlike, say, how Pokemon treats players and gyms. There are still roadblocks based on what day of the week it is, but you can complete the tasks (numbered from usually 3-5 a day) in any order. You can tell the developers had a ball creating the public billboard, protest sign, and establishment gags like "Polar Bear Patrol" and "Nondescript Warehouse."

Postal/RWS Trivia

  • Postal 2 was Homestuck day before Homestuck day, Released on April 13, 2003.
  • Doom "Jon St. John" Guy voices the Dude in Postal 4.
  • If you pissed on a donut and drop it in front of a police officer, you can make him vomit.
  • Postal 4 is a Big Lebowski reference.
  • There is a movie based on the second game directed by Uwe Boll; INFAMOUS for his shitty game-to-bigscreen works. I actually watched this one because of Crash.
  • In Paradise Lost if you set a potted marijuana plant on fire, you gain health.
Top Murder Tools
Baseball BatI can't think of anything more amusing than knocking off someone's head accompanied with a hollow "thonk."
GlockI like the hide animation and the equipping sound. A lot.
Classic ShovelBest attack sounds. "Thwong!"
Gasoline & MatchGenerates the most hideous deaths possible. Pissing on them afterwards balances out your karma... right?
Classic BootI find more serotonin in booting down doors and kicking in a civilian's teeth when they don't sign the petition than I do in any of the above.

Favorite quotes

And of course, our infamous "Guns don't kill people, I do."
Came in the mail with all the games (including.. that one.) along with a Krotchy nutrag, and an artbook. Too bad I didn't get a pipebomb. Postal Artbook Scan coming soon.

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